“Rage is not holy. Hate can never be pure.”
I just read these words in the eulogy for one of the three Israeli teenagers killed a few days ago.
It triggered something in me that I have nursed and pondered over for the best part of twenty years, when R. Canvasser said to me that anger is a secondary emotion.
I thought about it and turned it over and examined it, and somehow I knew there was a truth in there, but I couldn’t get at it.
I knew and know that anger is like a clenched fist. It requires energy to keep a clenched fist closed. I understood that to continue to exist into the future, one cannot go on with a clenched fist.
Recently, I have been going to mindfulness classes. The story of how I came to be going to them is for another time, but let me say that I wasn’t actively seeking for a class to go to.
And it is not as though I am a stranger to the idea or even the practise of mindfulness.
But these classes brought me into focus and gave me the means to make a concerto out of a noise.
And one of the essential things that I learned is that one can only be mindful by being in one’s body.
I thought I knew that. And to some extent I did and to some extent I experienced it. But not like I was able to with the benefit of the practise in the classes.
So now I understand perhaps what R. Canvasser meant about anger being a secondary emotion. I would say that anger is like rage or hate. You have to travel out of your body to feel them. It’s as simple as that.
Perhaps I am the last one to know that. After all, we have the phrase,
He was beside himself with anger.